It’s almost like 1:30 in the morning when I have started writing this. I was awake up to midnight just because a twitter friend of mine was replying to my tweets, as soon as she stopped I thought of sleeping. Is this my life? I questioned. I was just about to flip my laptop and do the same with my eyes as I suddenly realize that this day was to be over. So, same would be with tomorrow and same with day after tomorrow and in another January I shall have my 22nd birthday and lament for a fraction of that day that I didn’t do what I should have done that year.
The tough thing about life is how we view time differently when it comes to past and future. While lamenting about the past we take it as a bulk, we see our failure not as a result of regular carelessness of every “yesterdays” rather we just disgrace the passing month passing semester….and more. And when we lay plan to future we seldom wait, if u want good grades this term you plan of it weeks before end semester whereas the effort was to be put not only at the beginning of the semester but rather since the start of your course in the very first class of the first semester. And surprisingly we reach your future to feel if you would regret your present. I still remember asking my friend if we would regret if we never fall in love( I mean be in a relationship before marriage), he said yes with at most certainty and later maintained he knew he could never make one.(well that was a bit of fun anyway).
In this sense,the past month has been especially interesting to me. I have been in middle of conversation with my friends where I find myself supporting my arguments with basis of thoughts that my mind proposed to myself and hence very susceptible to failure. That has been problem with many of us, we seldom do our homework (I mean not the usual assignments), but we want charismatic results.
I started Lolita it remained unfinished, Pride and Prejudice it too remained less than a quarter read. Same was with other factual works like “A history of Knowledge” and the same with my academic ambitions. The subject that I adore yields to least of the grades. You feel like this CRAZY stuff is going to change the world say it to 10 of your class and 9 disagree and u wonder if that is how you were going to change the world. Sometimes we can’t complete much of anything though we love it much. It may be anything, let’s say a movie of your favorite actress, a portrait of your mom, a crush on your lovely neighbor anything. That is the time when we question our ability, patience, fate and result to doing stuffs undermining our actual capability and original goal.
Such examples comes in plenty in situation as of ours, you just went to a café shop near your university lined up your sight with a pretty girl/boy, added him/her in FB asked his/her ph no. thought both were going along u propose and lo… she/he is in another world. She/he dates another you feel like u were played second fiddle just an option that would have been picked if the better one had not obliged, you feel ordinary about yourself comparing to the other “lucky” fellow, you get crossed with yourselves ,probably feel pathetic about your fate and end up with fellows u never should have. Such things happen but you need to gather hope. You send an article to a newspaper, and they never reply not even to say you were rejected you never write again your ability dies while it must not have. An editor of a daily with 2 pages of op-ed can’t give space to every Nepali writing aspirers but if u have the will u will maybe do away with a book one day, they shall write a review in their newspaper call you up for an interview and you say with that humble smile actually this same newspaper rejected me when I was 21. Most of us are no Laxmi Pd Devkota or Baburam, very few of us were first every while but all of us have the skill to take us to paramount of success.
Take positives out of everything, that’s how life shall be a success. So, people are saddened Birendra died, if he hadn’t we would have never been a republic. Many would have died as Maoists would have never gave up. So, think the king died for his country. What happens ,happens for the good!
So what we need is hope, the same hope that some 30 odd out of my 270 friends in FB (because I have left my link here) will view my blog, 15 of you would have completed this and ya 5 of you must have been able to relate this to yourself and I love you for that, and I hope I at least 1 of u will remind me when I am 70 I wrote this when I was 21. Hence its already 2 am and I am still not asleep because I have real hope that some of us will be going far ahead with this. Remember life was never designed to be easy if it’s easy for you, either you are challenging yourself with light weight objectives or you are pretending tough jobs to be easy, one way or the other you are in a pseudo sense. Get over it, try the real damn hard thing hit the stuffs right after tomorrow mornings alarm bell (if you are reading this at midnight) and yeah u will fail(because human were designed to fail more than succeed) but by now you must have known to gather hopes.