It’s almost like 1:30 in the morning when I have started
writing this. I was awake up to midnight just because a twitter friend of mine
was replying to my tweets, as soon as she stopped I thought of sleeping. Is
this my life? I questioned. I was just about to flip my laptop and do the same
with my eyes as I suddenly realize that this day was to be over. So, same would
be with tomorrow and same with day after tomorrow and in another January I
shall have my 22nd birthday and lament for a fraction of that day that I didn’t do what I
should have done that year.
The tough thing about life is how we view time differently
when it comes to past and future. While lamenting about the past we take it as
a bulk, we see our failure not as a result of regular carelessness of every
“yesterdays” rather we just disgrace the passing month passing semester….and
more. And when we lay plan to future we seldom wait, if u want good grades this
term you plan of it weeks before end semester whereas the effort was to be put
not only at the beginning of the semester but rather since the start of your
course in the very first class of the first semester. And surprisingly we reach
your future to feel if you would regret your present. I still remember asking
my friend if we would regret if we never fall in love( I mean be in a
relationship before marriage), he said yes with at most certainty and later
maintained he knew he could never make one.(well that was a bit of fun anyway).
In this sense,the past month has been especially interesting
to me. I have been in middle of conversation with my friends where I find
myself supporting my arguments with basis of thoughts that my mind proposed to
myself and hence very susceptible to failure. That has been problem with many
of us, we seldom do our homework (I mean not the usual assignments), but we
want charismatic results.
I started Lolita it
remained unfinished, Pride and Prejudice it too remained less than a quarter
read. Same was with other factual works like “A history of Knowledge” and the
same with my academic ambitions. The subject that I adore yields to least of
the grades. You feel like this CRAZY stuff is going to change the world say it
to 10 of your class and 9 disagree and u wonder if that is how you were going
to change the world. Sometimes we can’t complete much of anything though we
love it much. It may be anything, let’s say a movie of your favorite actress, a
portrait of your mom, a crush on your lovely neighbor anything. That is the
time when we question our ability, patience, fate and result to doing stuffs
undermining our actual capability and original goal.
Such examples comes in plenty in situation as of ours, you
just went to a café shop near your university lined up your sight with a pretty
girl/boy, added him/her in FB asked his/her ph no. thought both were going
along u propose and lo… she/he is in another world. She/he dates another you
feel like u were played second fiddle just an option that would have been
picked if the better one had not obliged, you feel ordinary about yourself
comparing to the other “lucky” fellow, you get crossed with yourselves
,probably feel pathetic about your fate and end up with fellows u never should
have. Such things happen but you need to
gather hope. You send an article to a newspaper, and they never reply not even
to say you were rejected you never write again your ability dies while it must
not have. An editor of a daily with 2 pages of op-ed can’t give space to every Nepali
writing aspirers but if u have the will u will maybe do away with a book one
day, they shall write a review in their newspaper call you up for an interview
and you say with that humble smile actually this same newspaper rejected me
when I was 21. Most of us are no Laxmi Pd Devkota or Baburam, very few of us
were first every while but all of us have the skill to take us to paramount of
success.
Take positives out of everything, that’s how life shall be a
success. So, people are saddened Birendra died, if he hadn’t we would have
never been a republic. Many would have died as Maoists would have never gave
up. So, think the king died for his country. What happens ,happens for the
good!
So what we need is hope, the same hope that some 30 odd out
of my 270 friends in FB (because I have left my link here) will view my blog,
15 of you would have completed this and ya 5 of you must have been able to
relate this to yourself and I love you for that, and I hope I at least 1 of u
will remind me when I am 70 I wrote this when I was 21. Hence its already 2 am
and I am still not asleep because I have real hope that some of us will be
going far ahead with this. Remember life was never designed to be easy if it’s
easy for you, either you are challenging
yourself with light weight objectives or you are pretending tough jobs to be
easy, one way or the other you are in a pseudo sense. Get over it, try the real
damn hard thing hit the stuffs right after tomorrow mornings alarm bell (if you
are reading this at midnight) and yeah u will fail(because human were designed
to fail more than succeed) but by now you must have known to gather hopes.
